“Hey Sal - I have a toxic person in my life. We use to have a good time together, but now I just feel like drama and problems surround her 24/7. How do I suck out the poison?”
- Deborah, Chicago, IL

Deborah,

I’m going to quote Dr. Phil on this one and tell you that you have to teach people how to treat you. As long as you allow others to be a drain on your life, it’s going to keep on happening. So, now’s the time to kick them out of the nest.

Did I say kick them out? I meant… feed them a little less. This person is a friend of yours, there’s no doubt that you two share friends and lives, so it’s best to tread softly. Make it clear that you weren’t put on this earth to be a catch all for their issues. The next time they try to bring up drama or problems, find a way to steer the conversation elsewhere. This doesn’t make you a bad friend. It makes you a friend who isn’t willing to listen to them chirp on endlessly about negativity. Having said that, you’ll have to use your judgment and knowledge of your friend in order to distinguish if there is a serious problem (domestic abuse, for example) that needs addressing.

If you find that this technique simply isn’t working, it’s time to fly away. As many good times as you might have had with this friend, sometimes it’s better to cut your losses than continue to pour resources down the drain. How can this friend reciprocate any sort of friendship for you, when the entire time you two are together they are talking about their personal drama? It’s not healthy, and you’ve got to get out. Make yourself less available, try to only see them in social situations that can’t turn into counseling sessions, and make it clear that you’re about staying positive and avoiding drama.

Teach this friend that when it comes to you, you’re not willing to be treated as a sounding board for their daily crisis’s and world wars. If they can’t learn how to be in a mature relationship, then you’ve got to kick them out.

A last minute tip? Don’t discuss this with other friends. Try and address it quietly to avoid even more toxic behavior.

(This advice column is brought to you by the ever graceful, polished and in-the-know, Sally Jackson. Sally is happy to offer her tips and guidance on everything from relationships to fashion to saving money. If you have a question for Sally, go ahead and email her at Sally@PoorLittleRichGirls.com)