“Hey Sal - It’s the holidays and that means holiday parties. The trouble is this - at some of those parties I’m bound to run in to some people I’d rather not see - among them, my ex. Do I still go? If I still go, how do I act?”
- Rachel, Chicago, IL

Rachel,

You’re not alone! The trouble is that when we grow out of relationships, those shared friends are still around and still throwing parties. But you can’t miss out on the holiday cheer just because you’d rather skip the toasting and go straight to pouring champagne on their head. No, no - there’s a better way.

First and foremost, don’t make your host feel uncomfortable for having invited you both. When people start to feel uneasy they choose only one person to attend. After all, they don’t want a throw-down at their party, and you don’t want to find yourself without an invite next year. No, it’s no trouble at all that she invited him too. You’re looking forward to the party.

Second, bring backup. Not McSteamy make them jealous backup, but a close friend who knows the situation and can be on the look out for hidden ice bergs. Yes, you can say you’ll remain calm, but what about after three glasses of wine and his “are they dating or not” girl friend showing up? Enter your backup.

Third, plan out what you’ll say to him when you’re given the opportunity, because chances are - you will be. Something simple, like, “Nice to see you. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.” Sounds effortless enough, but rehearsing it in your head will put you on auto pilot when it actually happens. If you don’t feel like doling out holiday cheer, try for something less direct. Approach him with your friend (have them do the talking) and you can just smile and nod (less chance for unwanted verbal diarrhea). Just be sure to walk in and get it over with, so you can get on with enjoying the party.

This goes without saying, but look fabulous (think Bridget Jones seeing Daniel Clever at the book launch. Minus the painful self-bikini wax). Wear something that you’ve been complimented on before, and that you’re comfortable in. Don’t over do it. Just be an A+ version of yourself.

Lastly, find a way to excuse yourself early from the party. You have another obligation perhaps? I’m simply saying it’s best to not be the last girl standing. Have a good time, be social, and then leave. The more people drink, the most comfortable they’ll feel about addressing the elephant in the room and asking how you’re doing/how things are with the ex. It’s best to have a no discussion policy on this subject, so leave without giving guests (or worse, your ex) the chance to discuss it.

Good luck ladies. Eat. Drink. And Be Merry!

** Disclaimer: If you don’t think you can be in the same room with your ex, don’t go. Nothing is worth an emotional breakdown in public (yes, your host’s upstairs bathroom still counts as public).

(This advice column is brought to you by the ever graceful, polished and in-the-know, Sally Jackson. Sally is happy to offer her tips and guidance on everything from relationships to fashion to saving money. If you have a question for Sally, go ahead and email her at Sally@PoorLittleRichGirls.com)